Neptune in Synastry: Navigating the Dream
I intended to begin a series on the Moon’s Nodes in synastry, but I fear you’re going to think I’m angle-mad (which I am, and yes, I know the nodes aren’t angles, but they behave like angles), so we’re shifting a bit. The transiting Sun is over my Neptune this week, and the transiting nodes are squaring it. This piece just came spilling out.
The Deadly Seduction of the Glamour Boys
Let’s face it. We have to admit we’re all a little in love with the outer planets. We love to read and write about them. They are the glamour boys of the group. Like movie stars, they are bigger than life and just as inaccessible. Flamboyant, careless, and powerful, they push us around. We don’t mind too much—until something truly awful happens.
Of all the glamour boys, Neptune has to be the most deadly. We are a little frightened of Pluto. He behaves like some gangster, the Humphrey Bogart or Cagney of the group. We might love him, but he could shoot us dead, too, if we get out of line. So we know we’d better be careful. Uranus is the wacky genius, the unbalanced freak, the misfit who fascinates us. He’s electric and exciting, but he might abandon us tomorrow. We take what comes and hope for the best. (If you think this isn’t attractive, think again. Think Doctor Who and any role Johnny Depp has ever played.) Then there is Neptune…
The Danger of Neptune’s Spell
Neptune’s danger is that we never see him coming. Once he weaves his spell, we can’t find our way out. In the beginning, we don’t mind. Then it’s too late. Pluto and Uranus both cut us abruptly. We leave wounded, squashed, or burnt out, but our brains remain intact. Neptune doesn’t stop until we reach absolute bottom. It often takes us a while before we even know we are there.
Neptune never demands or asks for surrender. He seduces us into surrendering on our own. He whispers low promises of bliss and perfection. Neptune tells us all our troubles will disappear and never return as long as he is around. He is the answer to the question you didn’t know you were asking. Now that it is answered, everything feels strangely complete. Neptune weaves himself around us until we don’t know where we end and he begins. Then he seduces the ultimate surrender from us, beyond our heart and mind. He seduces our soul. Under Neptune’s spell, we become one with the all. We are all-experiencing, all-knowing, and all-feeling. We drown, and we release the burden of ourselves, our egos, our consciousness. This is otherwise known as death.
The Creative Force of Divine Discontent
Those who live with a heavy Neptune influence can have Neptunian periods where they veer between ecstasy and despair. This see-sawing can be about spiritual, relationship-oriented, creative, or psychological things. We can experience utter bliss and oneness one week, and the next fall into the Neptunian trap of ‘nothing matters.’ This isn’t a variation on manic-depression. It’s a reflection of the fact that our perceptions wax and wane with the Neptunian influence. Ironically, it is often when we are most in touch with Neptune that we feel most clear.
We often live in the grey area between the manifest and the unmanifest worlds. Neptune alters our perceptions of the way the world is put together. It allows us to see and feel things non-Neptunians do not. (Neptune is always somewhere in the chart. Wherever it falls, we have a higher sensitivity; we see beyond the walls.) When we follow our instincts in unlikely directions, it’s often because we have more underlying information. However, if our decisions are ego-based (for the good of me only) and not soul-based (for the good of all), these excursions are doomed to fail. Neptune has no time for the greedy ego. When he is in high gear, a me-based life with no service involved ultimately leads to Neptune’s worst punishment: the loss of Self.
Addiction and the Illusion of Perfection
One of the most deadly things about Neptune is the way he can convince us of the illusion of perfection. Wherever he falls, wherever he rules, we must learn to live with a degree of longing. Neptunians never feel complete. It’s been called ‘divine discontent.’ (I forgot who coined the phrase, but surely it was one of the romantic poets.) Divine discontent is a ‘happy face’ phrase slapped on Neptunian longing. It is the creative force behind an eternal restlessness, a hunger for divinity impossible to assuage in this world. Incarnation is all about boundaries, and Neptune doesn’t like to be trapped inside. Divine discontent is responsible for all the creative product in the world. It is one of Neptune’s main functions as the higher octave of Venus. It connects our smaller selves with the greater, and inspires us to make something of our visions.
But this same longing for unattainable completion pulls Neptunians towards addictions. This can include being addicted to a relationship. Addictions dissolve the boundaries of the ego. We fall into false completion and false bliss. As the ego sheds its worldly responsibilities, we want nothing but bliss. The jettisoning of the separate Self, and all its real-life and spiritual responsibilities, can be as intoxicating as a drug.
Specific Neptune in Synastry Placements
In synastry, this false bliss can take the form of another human being. We feel we need this person. We have no life without this person. This person is everything we’ve ever craved, and will ever crave. Fortunately, experienced Neptunians learn to recognize the danger signs (dependency, loss of self, excuse-making, obsessive fascination) and know what to look out for. Those who don’t struggle with Neptune daily can become his worst victims; he takes them by surprise.
- Neptune in the 7th House Synastry: The 7th house governs one-on-one relationships. Neptune’s presence here is a classic signature of the “spell.” The Neptune person may be idealized by their partner. They may also cast a dreamlike vision of the relationship itself. This placement often creates a deep sense of a fated, spiritual bond. However, it can also lead to confusion and a lack of clear identity between partners.
- Neptune Conjunct the Descendant Synastry: This contact brings the Neptune spell directly into the realm of partnership. The person whose Descendant is activated may project their ideal romantic fantasy onto the Neptune person. This person embodies the divine qualities they long for in a partner. It can be a powerful soul connection. But it’s vital to stay grounded and see the real person behind the illusion.
I have to admit that in all my years of doing synastries, I’ve seen Neptune cause the most outright suffering. Now, this could be because of resonance. I believe we attract clients whose issues match our knowledge and experience, so I attract more Neptune-oriented folks than most. Neptune has a dangerous proclivity to urge us to lose ourselves in a well of grief for the unattainable, making life itself seem futile. I don’t know what’s worse, having the dream and then losing it, or having the dream of a dream.
Betrayal and the Path to Anchoring
Neptune in synastry allows us to fool ourselves. Is he really the embodiment of perfection? Is she someone I can’t live without? No. That’s just a story Neptune tells us. But the story is so effective, so real, so perfectly orchestrated to our own particular psychic kinks. We believe it totally. Neptune is the best director of all time, making a movie just for us.
One thing to keep in mind when dealing with Neptune in synastry is that when others betray us, we have really been betraying ourselves. What within us has been kept blind by Neptune’s spell, allowing us to be deceived? We are not victims. Neptune’s famous illusion has a purpose. It orchestrates itself precisely to reveal our blind spots to us. These blind spots are often covering things we would rather not see, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment. The reenactment of these patterns when Neptune is part of the synastry picture forces us to revisit the terror. Our blind spots prevent a proper connection with the world around us.
The trick to living with Neptune, either natally or in synastry, is to keep yourself anchored. You can’t let the waves carry you out to sea. You must know when to pull back and when to keep separate. And need something heavy and real and of the earth (some Saturn, perhaps) to sink into Neptune’s belly and keep him and you in place. Or need the sky above you to keep you rational so you know where you are. And you need some instinctual fire to read the signs and tell you when a storm is brewing. You must get the hell out of there before you drown. When worse comes to worst, the answer is almost always in Virgo. Just do something useful. Something real.
The Power of the Opposition
Common knowledge says that in synastry, the Neptune person puts the spell on the person with the inner planet. Frankly, I haven’t seen this. I have to say that I’ve seen more of it the other way around: the Neptune person gets enchanted by the inner planet person, at least at first. The inner planet person’s complications come later in the relationship. They can’t get a handle on where the Neptune person is coming from. I have to say this is especially true in the case of oppositions.
In these cases, in particular, the Neptune energy gets projected onto the planet. It is fueled by the fact that the planet sits on Neptune’s polarity point. That planet embodies something that Neptune needs to learn and to become. The person embodies that lesson, along with the illusion of completion. The fascination is inevitable. This occurs even with lesser hard aspects, but the opposition is the most potent, followed by the square.
The Surprising Gifts of Neptune
Early on, life with Neptune can be torture when we are young. Over and over again, we hunger for what is inaccessible. It is unbearable. We fall hard in love with gay people, married people, and famous people. We yearn for lives we will never have. And pray to focus our energies on something, anything, that will give us fulfillment. It never comes, at least not in the way we expect. Later on, after we’ve had a bit of reality thrown at us…no, wait…life with Neptune is still a struggle. But it becomes easier when we learn that we can have some of the things that Neptune promises us (even some bliss).
Eventually, we learn that the secret of surviving Neptune is to keep the heart wide open. This can be frightening after a Neptune episode. We are tempted to shut Neptune out of our lives, and that is the most dangerous thing of all. When we do, we live lives without magic, without the thrill of seeing our hopes, wishes, and dreams (yes, with hard work) become reality. Without Neptune, we feel cut off from the possibilities the universe affords us. Still, we have to keep a very steely eye on that hypnotic bastard. Or he’ll weave that stupid spell again. The waves of goo will pull back, and we’ll find ourselves stranded out in the middle of the desert of nowhere (again), forced to feel our way home via an unfamiliar landscape.
Awe and Divine Beauty
I was going to make some comments about how the illusion of perfection is the result of the dark side of Virgo. That is a dominant theme in our Piscean age. But I’m not going to. I realized as I was re-reading this before posting it that no one ever talks about the good things Neptune brings. It’s almost as if they don’t exist. No wonder Neptune feels he has to seduce us; he doesn’t believe any of us would go to him willingly.
Neptune’s rewards are not really physical. They are not like the rewards that come with Saturn work or the benefit of using your Mars or Mercury to maximum effect. But working with Neptune does come with benefits. Ironically, clarity is one of them. When we apply Virgo discrimination to Neptune, the fog lifts. We become inspired. And see things we’ve never seen before and create things we never thought possible. We can even feel states of consciousness we’ve never felt. We realize that bliss, joy, and oneness are possible in this world. Neptune allows us to see past the illusion of our earthly boundaries and realize that the ultimate boundary, the schism between “I” and the universe itself, is an illusion. He teaches us that whatever effects one effects the all.
Neptunian Trust
In synastry, Neptune can give us great compassion. It can even give us empathy if we push our own egos out of the way. Neptune allows us to cherish and forgive our partners for their flaws. We become all too aware of our own. He allows us to know our partners intimately and to allow them to know us. Neptunian trust is the bravest and highest form of trust. We don’t allow ourselves an out. Then we give ourselves over entirely and willingly. We know that, no matter what happens, we will survive. Neptune allows us to see divinity in the beauty of another, in a gesture, in a whisper. It allows us to live hand in hand with a higher power and surrender with grace, in full knowledge of what we are doing.
The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen on this Earth was another human being. I say ‘thing’ deliberately because I’m including sunsets, mountains, leopards, paintings, and anything else of this world. Not anyone I know. He was standing near me on a London street. The light caught him in a gentle halo, and I actually let out a quiet gasp. I was stunned that anything so beautiful could be formed from the random chaos of the world. I walked away, a bit shaken, but convinced that something in me had been opened and altered. End of story. (I’m a double Virgo; you didn’t think there was going to be a Neptunian finish here, did you?)
I’ve been around for a while now, have done a lot of things, and am not easily impressed. I was humbled by my reaction, by my susceptibility. There is something about beauty that makes pilgrims of us all. Neptune allows us to be awed. That is the crack that lets the light in. It brings us to our knees. What was altered in me that day? I still don’t know. That’s Neptune for you. It has to do with having faith in the creative powers of the universe. It has to do with abundance. With the pure joy of living.
But that’s my Neptune journey, my personal navigation through the manifest and unmanifest worlds, towards a realignment with the magical unknown. Yours will be different.
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