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Virgo has a rep of being a dutiful partner: the servant who does your laundry, organizes your files, and makes sure all your needs are met. Need help? Turn to your Virgo, because that’s what he does. While there’s some truth to this, the reality is far more complex. After months or even years of being there for you, it can come as a shock when your humble Virgo lover walks out the door.
Virgo is the sign of service and perfection. He shows his love by helping you with practicalities. As he gets to know you, he’ll anticipate your needs. It’s easy to become dependent on him, especially when he doesn’t advertise what he wants for himself. It’s tempting to believe that serving you is all he needs to be happy. However, Virgo does want something from you, and it’s part of an unspoken deal that you probably weren’t aware of when the relationship began. The other side of the Virgo coin is what motivates him: improvement. His quest for refinement is endless. Even if your Virgo is a total slob around the house (it can happen), there’s at least one area of his life where he applies his stainless standards. He sees how things could be microscopically better, and this vision is applied to you, as well. You’ve experienced this if you’ve been on the receiving end of his helpful suggestions.
To Virgo, love means mutual improvement. He wants to move forward as much as any Cardinal sign, but he approaches it in a precise way. When he points out what you’re doing wrong, he’s not trying to be annoying. His ultimate goal is for you to become better. But aren’t you good enough the way you are? Shouldn’t he love you, just as he found you? The short answer is “No.” While Virgo may be accepting of your basic identity (if you’re an introvert, he’s not expecting you to become an extrovert) he can see a sharper, more organized, more fit, more … whatever … version of you. And that’s what he wants you to strive for.
There are varying degrees of Virgo perfection. Shadow Virgo can be crippled by worries and obsessions. His drive for improvement gets re-routed into a nasty little roundabout of nagging, guilt trips and pessimism. You can be sure that for each critique he aims at you, two more will be directed at himself. Not that this makes his nagging any easier to tolerate. In extreme cases, Virgo will use his quest for perfection as an excuse to sabotage his relationship. Nothing and no one is ever good enough. For Shadow Virgo, there’s safety in the potential that’s never realized.
Virgo will dedicate himself (sometimes for years) to you. The unaware person takes advantage of this, and believes that Virgo will always be there to pick up the slack. But what is most likely to drive Virgo out the door is if you have made zero effort to improve. A stagnant partner who sucks up his assistance will eventually be a stagnant ex-partner. Virgo’s not looking for flowery words of appreciation (although a “thank you” would be nice). Returning his assistance with some help of your own is also nice. But if you don’t try to evolve, eventually Virgo will move on. This doesn’t mean that you have to become an Olympic athlete or the World’s Best ____. It’s enough that you make a sincere effort to reach your full potential, because he’s probably doing the same. Virgo is a sign of details and increments. He’s not expecting you to make a dramatic transformation. As long as you take baby steps in the right direction, he’s happy. Your self-improvement feeds his desire for proof that he’s making a measurable impact. There’s nothing more frustrating to a Virgo than seeing his help go to waste. Virgo is an Earth sign, which means he wants solid results. He wants to make a difference.
I’m including anyone with their Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus or Mars in Virgo, or their 1st/7th House cusp (or cusp rulers) in Virgo. Sometimes a 6th House stellium (the house of service, routine and health) with planets in any sign can manifest as Virgo. The way each Virgo planet responds in a relationship will vary, and the house positions (plus aspects to other planets) will add to the story. For example, a 4th House Virgo Moon will need a partner who responds to his domestic obsessions. Home and family will be the areas where he expects things to go a certain way. A 10th House Venus in Virgo will be more concerned with a partner who manifests external evidence of success (but never in a flashy way) — someone who continually strives to be the best in her chosen field. If this sounds demanding, then you understand the Virgo “secret”: Underneath his humble exterior is the expectation that you join him on his journey of perpetual improvement.
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