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A while back, I wrote an article on the challenge of synastric inconjuncts — tense aspects that demand adjustment between signs with nothing in common. While an inconjunct between you and your partner can be tough, sometimes these aspects can hit you from the outside. If a transiting planet inconjuncts a natal relationship planet, this passing spot of tension can trigger a difficult choice that often catches you off guard. Although it’s temporary, it can pinpoint an area of significant tension in your love life.
This aspect indicates an external issue or person that confronts you with an adjustment in your relationship. But the adjustment is not easy, and the choices you’re presented with can feel impossible. In some ways, the transit is more difficult to handle than a synastric inconjunct, because you have no experience with it. This aspect will be most noticeable when created by a slower moving planet (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune or Pluto) or a faster moving planet that retrogrades. Orbs for transiting inconjuncts are very tight; no more than 2 degrees applying and 1 degree separating (from your natal planet).
The Impossible Adjustment
You have Venus in Scorpio, in your 2nd House of security. Giving and receiving love is a matter of survival. It must be all-encompassing in order to make you feel valued and safe. Transiting Uranus (liberation) is moving through Aries, in your 7th House of partnerships. Uranus has been shaking up your current relationship, making you aware that things are “off.” But when Uranus inconjuncts your Venus, everything comes to a head with terrible clarity. You feel trapped, hurt and frustrated because your partner has no interest in meeting you on your intense level. You’re starved for love and passion, and he barely touches you anymore. Maybe he used to go deep with you, but he’s put up a wall because he feels drained by your relentless demands. Or, maybe he was never able to give you the depth of passion you needed, but you knew you could coax him forward with your love.
Change is terrifying, but you can’t go on like this. It comes down to you leaving versus trying to compel your lover to change. You’re afraid you don’t have the financial and emotional resources to be on your own. But if you stay with your partner and he doesn’t change, you’re denying your core security needs and fracturing your self-esteem.
The final choice is up to you. Maybe your lover makes some long-overdue changes if you back off and give him breathing room. Or maybe you move on. The point is, your approach to love (survival, security and control) is challenged. Sometimes all you can do is allow a relationship to die (Scorpio). And sometimes, if you release your Scorpio stranglehold, your partner uses his freedom to transform himself. Either way, your fixed patterns of relating need to be adjusted, but you still have to honor your valid desires for intensity and passion.
Whatever planet the transiting inconjunct hits becomes the crux of the relationship issue. Once the aspect is over, the urgency of the issue dissipates. It’s also entirely possible to stick it out while making no changes. Some relationships can grind on with the status quo. By themselves, transiting inconjuncts are usually not enough to trigger an ending. They point out the trouble spots, but there needs to be other transits/progressions happening at the same time. For example, let’s say transiting Saturn is moving over your Venus, while Uranus is inconjuncting it. Saturn demands that you take responsibility for your desires, while becoming aware of their limits (you can’t force someone to love you the way you want to be loved). Combined with Uranus’ prodding, this can be enough to terminate a relationship that’s reached its expiration date.
Taking it to the Next Level With a Yod
Sometimes a transiting inconjunct can create a temporary Yod in your natal chart. This article explains the significance of natal Yods in relationships. You’ll get a temporary Yod if a transiting inconjunct aspects a natal planet that is already inconjuncting another natal planet. For example, your natal Venus in Scorpio inconjuncts natal Mars in Gemini. Transiting Uranus sextiles your natal Mars while inconjuncting your Venus, making Venus the focal planet of the temporary Yod. The stakes become much higher, as the two inconjuncts apply a huge amount of pressure to your Venus. It’s not just about you leaving or staying. You must choose between your current partner and a new love interest, and each offers something the other doesn’t. But neither offers you the full package that your Scorpio Venus craves. The Yod points its finger at your Scorpio Venus, demanding that you simultaneously honor your desires while adjusting them. Each lover makes you aware of different things that you want. Again, the impossible choice. The temporary Yod (and the situation it brings) will last as long as the transiting inconjunct. The strength of a transiting Yod can be enough, all by itself, to permanently transform a relationship.
You’re most likely to feel a transiting inconjunct in your love life if your natal Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars or ruler of your 7th House is aspected. Or, if the transiting planet is moving through your 7th, 5th or 1st house.
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