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Many of you have had the misfortune of tangling with an open-ended romantic attraction. This is the man or woman who is kind of available, but not really. Maybe they’re involved with someone else, but are having an affair with you. Or, they say they only want to be “friends” but keep dropping hints that something more could develop. Either way, you’ve made it clear that you want an exclusive relationship with them and they suggest (through words or actions) that it’s going to happen. But it never does. And yet, that door never seems to be completely shut. Turns out there are some natal indicators that can help you identity the Romantic Waffler, and reasons why they do this.
Open Options
Many of these people have a reluctance to close the door on anyone. They are not being cruel (even though, from your end, it certainly feels cruel). They simply have a heightened awareness of multiple options, and it’s difficult for them to choose. Natal Sun (ego), Moon (needs), Mercury (intellect and communication), Venus (love) or Mars (action) in Libra, Gemini or Pisces is usually a starting point. Libra enhances the ability to see both sides of any issue, Gemini brings a constant influx of new information, and Pisces makes boundaries very difficult to establish. But these are starting points only. A conjunction, square, opposition or trine to natal Neptune or Jupiter is usually needed to push the personal planet into an open-ended spin. While these signs are more likely to be indecisive, a planet in any sign can waver with enough coaxing from Neptune or Jupiter. Neptune can increase sensitivity to the point where they simply don’t want to hurt anyone (and end up hurting everyone). Jupiter can expand the vision of what’s possible to the point where any limits feel intolerable.
For example, you have a flirtatious thing going with Mr. Gemini. The two of you have been close friends for a couple of years, but you’ve always wanted more, and have told him so. The two of you even kissed once, and it was a real kiss (not a friendship kiss). He keeps saying that he’s not ready for anything heavy, and he doesn’t want to ruin the amazing connection you have. He’s not saying “No,” he’s just not saying “Yes.” When you’ve threatened to cut him off (for your own sanity) he always phones or emails and begs you to stick with him because he needs your friendship. He loves you. Etcetera.
Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that the validity of this connection is not up for debate. He truly does have feelings for you. But if you look at his chart, you see that his Mercury in Gemini opposes Neptune in Sagittarius. Neptune opposite Mercury (in any sign) is a textbook deception aspect. Does this make him a liar? Yes, but it’s probably not his conscious intention to blur the facts. Mercury in Gemini is always hyper-aware that there’s more than one reason for everything. Neptune, especially in hard aspect, dramatically increases empathy. So he’s not great at saying “No,” because he’s all too aware how much that word can hurt. Unfortunately, this aspect also dissolves his capacity for making clear choices, and for seeing that what he’s doing is even more hurtful. It’s easier for him to escape the consequences of a definite choice by floating in some vague, in-between country. Note that this is not a justification for Mr. Gemini’s behavior. Many people would say he’s being a manipulative coward. But you feel what you feel for him, regardless.
The Safety of Commitment
A strong, natal Saturn (limits, rules and responsibility) is usually an indication that the native knows how to make a commitment. But sometimes, even Saturn isn’t enough to keep someone on the straight and narrow. If there is a mix of influences in the chart, such as emphasized Saturn and emphasized Neptune and/or Jupiter, a person can end up living in two worlds. They may remain “committed” to their spouse, because their natal Saturn creates a desire for stability (and fear of losing that stability). But, if other waffling influences are also pronounced, they’ll have a dual need for open-ended possibilities.
Let’s look at Ms. Scorpio (not a sign usually associated with romantic indecision). Her Venus in Scorpio opposes Saturn. She’s been with her husband for twelve years. But her Mars (actions and male energy) is conjunct Neptune and square Jupiter. She sticks with her husband because she cannot conceive of not being with him. Her Venus/Saturn opposition creates a powerful sense of duty, born of the fear that she’s not really good enough (he’s the only one that will love her). But her Neptune/Jupiter square creates an equally powerful sense of idealistic longing; Jupiter expands Neptune’s dreams, while Neptune blurs Jupiter’s optimism. These energies are personalized and powered up by their contacts to her Mars. Despite her sense of duty, there’s always a restless longing for romance and adventure. She meets you, and the two of you begin a passionate affair. She loves you, says you’re her soulmate, but she’s not ready to leave her husband. And yet she can’t stop seeing you. She’s torn between two, powerful energies in her chart: fear/commitment and hope/adventure.
Where’s The Finish Line?
So when will Mr. Gemini/Ms. Scorpio commit to you, or put you out of your misery by moving on? Well, you can hope that a transit will snap them out of it. Maybe a hard Saturn transit to Mr. Gemini’s Mercury/Neptune opposition will force him to make a choice (and he’ll choose you). Maybe a wake-up-call Uranus transit will hit Ms. Scorpio’s Venus/Saturn, and she’ll be jolted out of her marriage. You can wait for such a transit (and there’s no guarantee that anything will change), but in the end, you hold the key to your closure. You can’t force someone to choose or commit. The best you can do is recognize that if the natal aspects outlined above are present along with the described behavior, it’s doubtful that you’ll get a firm commitment out of your romantic waffler.
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