We’ve all met people who have hooked us so completely that it felt like we were addicted. When these feelings are reciprocated it can be heavenly and overwhelming. When the feelings are unrequited, it can feel like a special corner of Hell reserved just for us.
Either way, the potential for romantic obsession can be seen in the synastry between two people. As always, everything goes back to the natal charts and the existing emotional make-up of each person. But there are certain synastric aspects that can lead to the kind of intense attachment that spirals out of control.
Pluto and Venus
When one person’s Pluto (control) hits another person’s Venus (attraction), a dynamic of intense revelation is set up. Although the feelings can go both ways, it is usually the Pluto person who experiences the urge to move in and control. The Venus person can feel magnetized, but it’s the Pluto person who is dominant. The easy aspects (trine and sextile) will add some depth and passion to the relationship. It’s the hard aspects (conjunction, opposition and square) that get people into trouble.
Rita has a Scorpio Moon, so Pluto (the ruler of Scorpio) is highly personalized in her chart. Along comes Ryan with his Venus conjunct her Pluto. The way he relates (Venus) to her triggers Rita’s need (Moon) to control and experience things on a deep level (Pluto). She develops a fascination with Ryan and wants to immerse herself in him. He may respond with a blend of attraction and uneasiness (depending on how comfortable he is with Scorpio energy). She pushes past any boundaries he has, because in order to feel safe, she needs to peer into every corner of his life. He can’t hurt her if she knows everything about him. If she’s not careful, Ryan can start to feel like a bug under a microscope.
Pluto opposite Venus can be even more problematic. Let’s say Ned has Pluto conjunct his Sun in Virgo. His drive for perfection (Virgo) is amplified by Pluto, so he is on a never-ending quest to transform himself into someone better. He meets Jeanine, who has Venus in vague, dreamy Pisces. He knows that he can transform her into his ideal partner. He has helpful suggestions on how she should dress, what she should eat, drink and read. The more he tries to “help” her, the more she pulls away. Eventually she becomes frightened and cuts off all contact. Whether or not he gives up at this point depends on his control over his Pluto energies. He’ll push himself to his limit because Pluto transforms through intensity. To Ned, it’s not worthwhile unless he’s going down in flames.
Neptune
Neptune is fantastic at creating something out of nothing. Let’s say a female celebrity (we’ll call her Bijou) has Neptune on her Ascendant. Neptune obscures who she really is and creates a canvas that people can project their fantasies onto. Not everyone is going to become obsessed, but her Neptune will hit certain people in vulnerable places.
Josh has a Moon/Saturn opposition in his chart. He has always felt unloved (maybe his mother abandoned him). Bijou’s Neptune touches this sore spot by forming a square to his Moon and Saturn. A square aspect indicates conflict between Josh’s unfulfilled needs and what Bijou can offer him. He knows that she’s his soulmate and that if they ever met, she would recognize him instantly. He’s created detailed fantasies where he replays the moment their eyes meet and they both feel that surge of electricity. This doesn’t have to get to the point of full-blown stalking: he may just fantasize about her (a lot) or watch her movies every night. The illusion she presents triggers his need for emotional sustenance. What makes it addictive is that it feels too good to let go.
In the synastry between two people within an actual relationship, trines and sextiles to Neptune can add a glow of romance with a sprinkle of idealism. Hard aspects between one person’s Neptune and another’s personal planets can change romance to delusion. For example, Karen has Neptune conjunct Jupiter in her 11th house (friends and groups). Jupiter, which expands whatever it touches, really goes to town on her Neptune and increases her ability to fantasize. Karen is friends with Rick and his Mars is conjunct her Neptune. The literal interpretation is that she wants him to be more than friends.
Rick doesn’t see Karen as anything more than a drinking buddy, but she’s not going to let reality get in her way. She sees him as her ideal lover and knows that on some level he feels the same way. They’ve never been alone together, but she understands the looks he gives her when they’re out with their friends. She knows he’s scared of being hurt, which is why he hasn’t confessed his feelings for her (yet). One day, Karen’s Neptune may be activated by a powerful transit and she may tell him how she feels. Or she may say nothing and cling to this fantasy for the rest of her life.
These are extreme examples. Your Venus opposite someone’s Pluto or their Moon square your Neptune does not automatically equal obsession. The natal chart needs to imply this behaviour and the rest of the synastric contacts need to create some sort of draw. But when Venus/Pluto or Neptune/personal planet contacts occur, it’s a good idea to take a closer look. In small doses they can take a relationship to the next level, but in larger amounts they can push things over the edge.
About the Author
Nadia Gilchrist offers 15 years of experience in Evolutionary and Traditional astrology. Her writings and personal consultations focus on applying astrology and tarot readings with a clear, practical approach to the real world. Nadia blogs regularly at Ruby Slipper Astrology.