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Holidays generally leave me feeling over-extended, irritable and in need of alone time. It\u2019s not unusual. Overheard in a parking lot, on our \u201cvacation\u201d to Yosemite: \u201cI just want to be at home in my slippers, my new bathrobe, curled up with a good book.\u201d I yearned for the exact thing for most of that trip.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s the enforced socialization that puts me over the top. For introverts, socializing after exhaustive holiday and meal preparation is not restorative nor rewarding. Introverts recharge by doing quiet things.<\/strong> Alone.<\/span><\/p>\n Over the years, I\u2019ve developed radical self-care practices, like: excusing myself to use the bathroom a lot, suddenly disappearing from the room for awhile. Learning to be able to present and alert to the commotion and energy all around me, but with my attention and gaze turned inward — like a monk in a busy NYC intersection — has been a huge tool I\u2019m working with. Call it \u201cself-care\u201d, but more precisely these are energy management strategies, because really you only have so much each day.<\/p>\n I experiment with a lot of “self care” strategies, but none hold a candle to the decision to stop taking care of other people\u2019s feelings.<\/strong> I had no idea how much this compromises me, opens me up to feeling icky. It was so habitual I wasn\u2019t aware that I was doing it. I thought it was normal to feel bad when someone else did, to go down a rabbit hole of heightened emotional responses (actually, I was just taking on their feelings). In a disagreement, I\u2019d feel so unnerved, distracted by, and ultimately responsible for another\u2019s hurt or pain that I\u2019d lose my center. I\u2019d feel tortured by the interaction for days or weeks. I didn\u2019t realize it was because I was trying to manage or take responsibility for their feelings, even from afar.<\/p>\n Yet other people\u2019s feelings, no matter what they tell you (or what you tell you), are not your responsibility.<\/p>\n It\u2019s tricky. Because this is what it means to be a healer: you have a killer instinct for detecting other people\u2019s suffering and desire to make it better.<\/strong>\u00a0This is innate in me. Trying to take it out would be like, well, not being me. If someone is in pain or misunderstanding, I\u2019m a magnet to it. I feel it and I would<\/em> do everything in my power to change it.<\/p>\n I’m empathic, which took this next level. When I’d make choices to avoid feeling other people\u2019s pain (which was logical, in a way – who wants to feel others\u2019 pain?) that would often prevent me from getting what I needed.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t want another to feel bad, and I didn\u2019t want to feel their unresolved childhood trauma feelings (abandonment, rejection, betrayal). Which meant I\u2019d say yes to a lot of things when my intuition screamed \u201cNOOOOOO…\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019ve got natal Saturn in Gemini on Cancer Sun conjunct Cancer South Node. Transiting Pluto is square my Libra Rising. The buck had to stop here.<\/p>\n So I initiated the painful process of conscious bikini waxing.<\/p>\n For a healer, not aiding a suffering soul who for various reasons you should and cannot help is like your very first bikini wax (ripping hair off your sensitive parts is very painful). That\u2019s how it feels to walk away from a person in need for someone with a Cancer South Node.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve had to end relationships. This continues to be incredibly hard for me.<\/p>\n But I am learning that because We Are All One, if it doesn\u2019t feel right to me, it\u2019s also not right for another. End of story. No feeling bad about hurting others\u2019 feelings. No taking on their unresolved trauma (so difficult!).<\/p>\n I\u2019ve stopped accepting invitations I don’t enjoy. I’ve noticed that when I felt crappy and wanted to feel better I often reached out to people who actually made me feel crappier (that was an interesting find). I\u2019ve noticed how I can make choices to take care of others\u2019 feelings because it\u2019s what I think they want- not because it is what I want to do. I notice how that compelling urge to help feels, in my body, how magnetic it is for me.<\/strong><\/p>\n Ripppppp…. (that\u2019s the sound of a huge bikini wax strip coming off).<\/p>\n I\u2019m learning that I cannot help everyone and I\u2019m not meant to. <\/strong>I am a healer, so it feels like this goes against lifetimes of conditioned indoctrination that I\u2019m supposed to help anyone in need. But you know what feels more true and right in my body? Me, first. I\u2019m here to take care of me, and everyone else wants me to take care of me, too. That\u2019s the way I stay aligned, centered. That\u2019s the way I\u2019m in highest service to All.<\/p>\n The Cancer Full Moon heightens our awareness of nurturing, healing, family and connection, and our perceived responsibilities, duties and obligations (Capricorn Sun). As needs of home, self and emotions collide, it\u2019s easy to feel frayed around the emotional edges. <\/strong>Pull back, get quiet, go within as big energies swirl around you; the Crab has a protective shell for a reason. While there, take a peek. How are you feeling? Do you try and take care of, or take responsibility, for others\u2019 emotions? Is there a need, in you, to help, care for or rescue — no matter the cost to your self?<\/p>\n You may or may not be a healer. You may simply be a caring soul who doesn\u2019t want to see any person or thing suffer. That\u2019s a noble thing. If you have a good, kind, heart trust me when I say, we all want you to put your own needs, first. The world doesn\u2019t need more people who take responsibility for other people\u2019s issues, who confuse the rabbit hole of another’s childhood conditioning, patterns or karma with their own. That\u2019s for them to work through, and has nothing to do you.<\/p>\n The world needs your kind heart to be centered, clear. To know the difference between your emotional stuff and theirs, and not take theirs on.<\/p>\n Pattern-breaker Uranus in Aries moves direct the day after this full moon, so here’s an outrageous suggestion: It’s okay to be selfish. It may feel like a bikini wax the first, second or third time you do it, but it gets easier over time.<\/p>\n If you need encouragement, here’s a reminder:\u00a0Compassion is not pity, self-sacrifice, or being all things to all people. It’s having a clear, truthful relationship with your authentic heart.<\/strong> Sometimes being more selfish is the most compassionate and loving act of all.<\/p>\n The post Cancer Full Moon: Clear-Hearted<\/a> appeared first on Moonkissd by Jessica<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Holidays generally leave me feeling over-extended, irritable and in need of alone time. It’s not unusual. Overheard in a parking lot, on our “vacation” to Yosemite: “I just want to be at home in my slippers, my new bathrobe, curled up with a good book.” I yearned for the exact thing for most of that […]<\/p>\n The post Cancer Full Moon: Clear-Hearted<\/a> appeared first on Moonkissd by Jessica<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n