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I was sharing something deeply personal with a friend, an underworld issue I don\u2019t have the answers around but I\u2019m mucking around in, hard, like looking for something shiny in a swamp, when something she said caused me to reflect on the way we talk to each other when we\u2019re in need of support.<\/span><\/p>\n When you\u2019re working on perfecting your life, sharing experience, knowledge, experienced advice is a way others offer support. The Virgo archetype says \u201cI have a skill, a proficiency, and I can help you.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong>This is great when you break down on the side of the road and need to change a flat, but you don\u2019t know how, and a helpful stranger drives up and says, “I know how to fix this, let me help”. This is the very best of Virgo. Virgo lives to help.<\/p>\n But in more delicate, emotional territory the landscape is quite different. Help is not always needed, or wanted. <\/strong>Being helpful can become a preoccupation for\u00a0an\u00a0Ego invested in being helpful, advising.\u00a0<\/strong>Advice can sound a lot like \u201cI\u00a0know a little more in this area, so, here, allow me.\u201d I\u2019m as guilty of this as anyone. I sadly remember a friendship I once lost, for this reason.<\/p>\n My friend was an aspiring author and blogger, just getting started. I was the experienced one, and I liberally shared my experiences. I thought I was being helpful, offering her my hard-earned wisdom; I had been through the school of hard knocks, and I had learned some things. Thing is (unless she was actually asking for it<\/em>), she wasn\u2019t asking for my opinions, or help. She wanted a gentle listener.<\/strong> Eventually, my friend not so tactfully said around me\u00a0she felt like the little sister to my big sister, and that wasn\u2019t a role she wanted to be in. Ouch.<\/p>\n Because I\u2019m writing this on International Woman\u2019s Day, I\u2019m thinking about how our gender differentiates our lives\u00a0from men\u2019s. Women seem to be more vulnerable to having our experiences doubted, and thus, to doubting our self. Not having our voice, feelings and self, honored, is a prickly topic. It\u2019s personal, political, omnipresent. I don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019ve been told \u201cyou don\u2019t feel that way\u201d, \u201cthat isn\u2019t really a problem\u201d, \u201cyour reality just isn\u2019t true\u201d, i.e. \u201cyou don\u2019t know\u201d<\/em> <\/strong>so many times, often by men, but also by women. Every time I was told that I don\u2019t really<\/em> have a feeling, or that my perception was\u00a0not true, my inner axis of self-knowing trembled a little. Over time, a deep fault line developed called \u201cself-doubt\u201d.<\/p>\n I know I am not alone. My ex-friend doubted her self, too. A lot. She had told me numerous times that she felt invisible. Ooh and her self-doubt was like catnip for this overactive part of me who lives to help. When I heard \u201chelp me…\u201d the helper in me replied, \u201cOooh, yessss!\u201d Every time I insisted on helping her with my opinions, my advice when she didn’t ask, I crossed a line, but I honestly also felt a little set up. See how complex and crazy-making this can get?<\/p>\n That\u2019s why I believe one of the most renegade things we can do as women is to say I KNOW.<\/strong> To stop with the self-doubt, to claim our knowing. And to help our friends\u00a0see that in their self, too. Because we do know!<\/em> We know things that no one else can know because we are the one doing the knowing. There’s an inner knower inside far wiser and more connected to wisdom than anyone outside us. Yes, we’re\u00a0individuals with different perceptions and takes on things, but\u00a0if someone\u00a0doesn\u2019t want to\/can’t see what we see, that doesn\u2019t make it untrue.<\/p>\n I KNOW a lie when I hear one.<\/p>\n I KNOW my feelings are real and reliable.<\/p>\n I KNOW my decisions are the right ones for me (and I can make a new one if things change).<\/p>\n I KNOW I can trust my perceptions.<\/p>\n I KNOW what that person said didn\u2019t feel good.<\/p>\n I KNOW when I tune in I have infinite guidance.<\/p>\n I KNOW when something smells off.<\/p>\n This is especially relevant during this post-truth age, when lies are being sold as truth (shit gets confusing, real quick nowadays), but also within our personal lives, our special friendships. Yet when we truly honor our own knowing,\u00a0we also\u00a0see\u00a0that we won\u2019t always know what\u2019s right for another. <\/strong>That’s how we learn to recognize when our helpful advice has\u00a0become unhelpful. It\u00a0is not our\u00a0role to hold answers for another (super tricky when you\u2019re in a job like mine),… but to hold the questions. When my Virgo goes into overdrive, I remember to pull on\u00a0humility.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>It\u2019s a subtle art, offering the support of wisdom, skill and experience while\u00a0graciously allowing another person to have their own.<\/p>\n When Virgo and Pisces work together they do so, beautifully.<\/strong> I recently started taking yoga class again after not doing so for two years because I felt yoga had become competitive Ego yoga — at least in Marin. So when I went back in it was with an attitude of self acceptance. I wasn\u2019t there to do the perfect pose, to push myself technically. Frankly,\u00a0I was a bit rebellious about oh-so-serious yoga. But when the teacher came by and corrected my bent elbows during the downward dog, I noticed how that allowed my shoulders to relax, and I was grateful for her sage, instructive Virgo advice.<\/p>\n At this Virgo Full Moon, you can bring helpful, advisory, proficient\u00a0Virgo -and- knowing, flowing, accepting Pisces into yoga (union) in your life. Everyone already has the answers, inside, even if they haven\u2019t realized it, and the lovely thing about Pisces is this archetype\u00a0doesn’t hold anyone to a standard of perfection. It trusts in\u00a0knowing. Yet sometimes Virgo holds the technical detail we are missing, the little thing that can make a world of difference.<\/p>\n As we support one another, our inner attitude of knowing, or doubt,\u00a0can be a moving target, and even subject to misinterpretation at times. But when you train your self to consistently return to your knowing, when you return to I KNOW over and over again, self-doubt gradually dissipates. You stop giving your knowing to someone else. \u00a0And that, my friends, is true freedom.<\/p>\n The post Virgo Full Moon: Knowing Woman<\/a> appeared first on Moonkissd by Jessica<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was sharing something deeply personal with a friend, an underworld issue I don’t have the answers around but I’m mucking around in, hard, like looking for something shiny in a swamp, when something she said caused me to reflect on the way we talk to each other when we’re in need of support. When […]<\/p>\n The post Virgo Full Moon: Knowing Woman<\/a> appeared first on Moonkissd by Jessica<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n